


demo2.mp3

by CapersAndPines



Category: Given (Manga)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:40:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24293767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CapersAndPines/pseuds/CapersAndPines
Summary: Mafuyu and Uenoyama can't seem to reach each other's feelings despite being together. Where does Mafuyu's resolve and Uenoyama's dedication lead them?
Relationships: Satou Mafuyu/Uenoyama Ritsuka
Comments: 6
Kudos: 22





	demo2.mp3

**Author's Note:**

> SPOILERS AHEAD! Everything happens after Chapter 34 of the manga. Although i've taken the liberty to add what I would've wanted to see unfold. It is short and rushed but I just wanted to get my feelings across. Enjoy :)

Loss and grief, both feelings are mutually binded and hard to forget. The amount of tears that Mafuyu has shed and Uenoyama has witnessed cannot be counted. Being together made them feel safe; a warm candlelight in the middle of a cold-swept room that once was full of pulsating chimes of laughter.

It isn't easy for Mafuyu to keep his thoughts straight. Everywhere he and Uenoyama goes he feels as if Yuki is there staring at them keeping up a painful smile. Whenever Uenoyama laughs, Mafuyu remembers Yuki's angelic giggles. Everything confused Mafuyu; both of their personalities seem to be merging into one in Mafuyu's eyes. To whom does his heart really know? Does the Uenoyama that Mafuyu knows fondly just an afterimage of what Yuki would have been if he was here with him now? Even though he sees Uenoyama in front of him, when he feels his heart beat when they hold hands, why is it that he feels like he longs for something more?

\----------

Lately Given only meets up every now and then - with Haruki and Uenoyama (with Hiiragi) playing support, and Akihiko concentrating on his upcoming violin competition. Mafuyu spends the rest of his time writing lyrics, and failing miserably, and the occasional texts from Uenoyama keeps him occupied. 

_Arf Arf!_ Kedama barks from the hallway. _4:16pm_ Mafuyu checks his phone while yawning. Time feels so slow, spending his days alone at home with no one to talk to. Of course, the recurring problem of his sleeping pattern doesn't help with his fatigue at all. Lately, he seems to find himself staying up late at night, tears suddenly flowing. He feels alone and out of reach, even when he tries his best to keep up with everyone. He often feels bouts of exhaustion out of nowhere, and humming himself to sleep sometimes helps.

_ping! ping! ping!_ Mafuyu's ears pick up the ringing of the notifications from his phone. Now that he's awake, kind of, and rubbing the sluggishness from his eyes he notices Uenoyama's string of messages.

_Mafuyu? Are you Awake? 3:30pm  
We're done with practice, Hiiragi's not feeling well so we cut it short 3:38pm  
By the way Shizu wanted to eat some ramen, want to come with us? 3:45  
...Mafuyu we're coming to get you. Shizu thinks you're sleeping in and he really wants to eat ramen with us 4:00pm _

Mafuyu's eyes widen. He immediately drops his phone and rushes to the bathroom to wash his face up and try to get dressed. But as he takes off his shirt his bedroom door comes swinging in with a loud bang.

"Wait I-" Mafuyu tries to stop them but as the hinges creak silence ensues. Uenoyama blushes as red as a tomato, his brain probably fried from seeing Mafuyu half-dressed.

"Come on Mafuyu let's get ramen." Shizu proclaims calmly, never taking his eyes off his phone, as he makes his way towards Mafuyu's bed and sits like nothing happened. Mafuyu becomes flustered but Uenoyama immediately leaves covering his face, "I'm gonna go and wait outside."

As Mafuyu gets dressed he notices that Shizu has been smirking. "Is it Hiiragi?" Mafuyu pries as he peeks through Shizu's phone. "Yeah, he says he purposely ended the session early. Uenoyama looked kinda exhausted and he just felt like giving a lame excuse, but that's just how he shows that he cares I guess." Shizu says still smirking. 

"Ah, I never really noticed." Mafuyu feels a little guilty. He's been dealing with a lot, but he has never once realized that Uenoyama is also having a hard time. Shizu's smirk disappeared. "He's a good kid you know, Uenoyama." Shizu puts down his phone. "Have you thought about it? The debut? and Uenoyama?" His tone now serious, and his eyes were full of sincerity. Mafuyu feels lost. He hasn't really thought about anything lately, let alone something as big as their professional debut and Shizu's accusation of his lack of resolve for his and Uenoyama's relationship.

"I love him, I know." Mafuyu looks down trying to keep his eyes away. "I know, but love is a lot of things." Shizu grabs Mafuyu's hand and gives him a music player.

"It's Yuki's. Hiiragi wanted Uenoyama to finish it." Shizu looks concerned, "It must have been hard for Uenoyama."

Mafuyu clenches his fist as he sees the lone music file loaded in the player. "I know, I know. I know." He repeats as his voice cracks.

"Mafuyu? Shizu?" Uenoyama calls for them, "My stomach is kinda wants to eat you know."

\---------------------

The ramen was delicious. The full broth and the tender pork slices really gave the flavor a level up. Mafuyu listens in his companions' conversations. Their endless tries for the new chord progression changes, the studio owner's new strict policies, and as their laughter grows he felt more and more out of loop. It feels strangely similar to when Hiiragi, Shizu and Yuki started their own band and he just felt left out and in a void of cluelessness. 

Uenoyama notices Mafuyu's lost expression and changes the subject to a band that the three of them have been listening to. He keeps a pained expression and holds Mafuyu's hand underneath the table.

\-------------------

Shizu says goodbye as they exit the restaurant. "See you tomorrow Uenoyama!" He nods to Mafuyu, waves his hand and walks without looking back. 

As Mafuyu and Uenoyama walk back to Mafuyu's house the air was thick. Something is hanging around the air; the exhaustion, the awkwardness and the dry conversations just keep coming. 

"Mafuyu, is there something you're not telling me?" Uenoyama asks as they both stop in their tracks. "I just feel like," Uenoyama scratches his head while letting out a single laugh "I don't know, are we good?" 

Mafuyu hands out the music player Shizu handed him earlier. "What is this?"

Uenoyama's expression quickly turned into a mix of pain and sadness. "You know what that is."

"Is it really Yuki's?" Tears now streaming down Mafuyu's face. "Everything is just so confusing right now."

Uenoyama wipes Mafuyu's tears away. "I am not him. I'll never be him. But this is what he wanted to express to you. This is his voice, his feelings, his pain, his love."

Mafuyu hits Uenoyama but his strength can't seem to back him up. "It's not your job to bring him back to me!"

The quiet streets resonated with Mafuyu's voice. Uenoyama looked dumbfounded. He knows this. He knows this better than anyone and yet he can't help it. He loves Mafuyu enough to know that this is what Mafuyu really needs. Hiiragi's and Shizu's voices that give off a tone of fondness when they talk about Yuki hurts him, Mafuyu's tears that he can't stop hurts him, and the very music that he loved so much has now found a way to hurt him even more.

"I know Mafuyu!" Uenoyama holds Mafuyu's fist. "But I love you, and if this is what it takes to help you and keep you." He rests his head with Mafuyu's and looks him straight in the eye.

Love is such a big word. Big and yet ambiguous. So big that every little thing might make it's meaning into something else.

\-------------------

Uenoyama drops off Mafuyu at his house. They haven't said a single word since their conversation. Uenoyama kisses Mafuyu's cheek and says a goodbye.

Mafuyu slumps on his bed still clutching the music player in his hand. 

_demo2.mp3_

It was Yuki's demo song that Uenoyama has finished without him knowing. Shizu knew how they'd both react, he knew that their feelings weren't getting through and maybe this was the key.

Mafuyu mustered up his courage and began listening. The lyrics hit hard. It was full of love and warmth. Full of recollection and care but there was also loneliness. The song brings him to tears. He missed Yuki so much that his heart would hurt everytime he would think about him. His face has started to fade from his memories, but the hardest part about hearing his voice again is that even though Mafuyu remembers Yuki his face and the memory of his touch has started to fade. This didn't seem like Uenoyama at all. Mafuyu felt as if Uenoyama finished the song with both Mafuyu and Yuki's feelings in mind. Someone who has been a part of his life for a short while, someone he hasn't spent a lot of time with has managed to feel what he feels and say things that Mafuyu wanted to hear. 

He should be happy but he isn't. Somehow the gap that was between Uenoyama and Mafuyu had grown even wider, where their fingertips couldn't even reach each other. As if Uenoyama was telling him, that this is where they end. And this is what will either bring Mafuyu to him, or separate him completely. 

_If this is love then I don't want it._ Mafuyu mutters to himself as he wipes his tears off. Yuki's voice played like a trance but all he could feel was pain. Pain for Uenoyama. Everything leading up to this moment was clear. Mafuyu knew what love was, but the love he knew only revolved around Yuki. 

And the love he felt for Uenoyama, it was never there. It was never the love that Mafuyu felt. Love was ambiguous and strong, and yet Mafuyu knows. That what he feels isn't love, a love that he could give Uenoyama.

**Author's Note:**

> UENOYAMA DESERVES BETTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so sad over the manga development. I feel my heart pumping, with anger or sadness? I will never know. But all I know is Mafuyu should get his thoughts together and settle his resolve for his commitments! My Ueno-baby T-T everything hurts but im with u all the way
> 
> Anyone up to the latest chapter? Feel free to have a discussion in the comments! :>
> 
> pls do not attacc me i will cry


End file.
